somethings missing.

we havent had a decent conversation for months. i havent seen you for months. we used to be such good friends. and now its like we're strangers. just two people who cant make 20 minutes to sit down and catch up. two people who would just walk by with merely a superficial hi. i do miss you. talking to you about everything and anything. it seems strange to be so close yet so far. why does it have to be akward whenever we see each other. why cant we play pretend. make believe we're still friends. i miss you. so talk to me. pretend its not awkward. pretend its not weird. lets just be friends again.

M.I.A

FAIL.
ive failed to blog for over a month.

past two months have been greaaaat to say the least.

• redecorated my bedroom (half way anyway)
• finally won a game of oztag (although not officially)
• read my very first novel (twilight:))
• learnt how to turn a steering wheel properly
• got my tax return (time for a shopping spree)
• 2months for me & my princess bong

im sure theres plenty more ive failed to mention.

i shall blog soon, until then... toodles!

laaaaaa!

dont make pathetic excuses for yourself.
you act like a saint but youre not.
pestering little tart.

bfflab

i miss you buddy!

intentions.

why is it not okay for someone to want time alone?
is it such a crime to want to do your own thing?

questioned for doing what i am doing.
why is it that i have to give you a reason for doing what i want.
understand that there is no undertone to why i do this.
i do it because it makes me feel calm.
not because i want to get away from you and everyone else.
or whatever ludicrous reason you choose to believe.


ive learnt to trust myself and only myself.
people you thought were your friends are no longer.

i found out how two-faced you can be.
youre judgemental and hypocritical.
and you've surely lost my trust.
i dont look at you the same way.
i did something unintentionally to you and you gave me reason to feel bad.
you said this, thinking it wont get to me.
but it has and i now know the truth.
its so easy to just forget your friendship, believe me.

uneducated.

i dont understand how a bunch of people can be so rude and demeaning with no etiquette whatsoever. they were verbally abusive, not to mention racist too. there is no need for violence on the field. pissed me off you bunch of ill educated bogans! we'll get our justice!

1 eventually becomes 2.

i was asked about you today. subconciously it frustrated me. and i didnt realise until now. no longer there. but you still manage to piss me off.


im not talking to you. im not making effort. its not because im angry at you. its because i dont want to take it out on you. and have to regret it tomorrow.

frustrated.agitated.angry.emotional.fragile.

♫

25 is my favourite #.

1. loving "call you tonight" - johnta austin.
2. i forgive easily, but i never forget.
3. i dread going to work every sunday.
4. i could drink warm water all day.
5. i miss primary school.
6. when my cousin was young he mistook dog shit for a rock, and picked it up!
7. recently purchased an asus netbook.
8. my brothers and i used to ride my cousins dog when we were young.
9. i used to cry when teachers yelled at me.
10. i believe in ghosts and spirits.
11. at night i will never whistle or look up at trees.
12. i love finding old things when i clean my room.
13. i regret not ever taking a family portrait.
14. i chucked out all of my books after the hsc.
15. i like to keep a record of what i do everyday in my diary.
16. i hate it when people mistake my joy for immaturity.
17. i wish i could go back to 2005.
18. i love looking back at old photos to see how people have changed.
19. dad wont let us dl any music, so im forced to mooch.
20. i make sure i say goodbye or goodnight to my parents before i go anywhere.
21. i used to cry in my closet when mum and dad yelled at me.
22. i need to buy filling for my bean bags.
23. i cant stand looking downstairs once the lights are off.
24. i have no idea how to save money.
25. my brother wanted a monkey as a pet.

my little secret.

im
into
you.

impulsive and ready for it all.

Infatuation is instant desire.
It is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and impulsive.

so not a happy chap.

oh so disappointed with tonights game.
everything was against us.
missing players, jack ass biased ref, stupid outcast asian on the other team who likes to barge at little girls!

i've said this before, but tonight we honestly had a chance to win against this team.
end result was 5-4, their way.
albert was jipped two tries, because of his dodgey tags that kept flying off cause he was "too fast" lol.
and bong one, because of some rule we've never heard of.
in the end.. we lost and im disappointed.

:(

chinese whispers.

in love with ..
"call you tonight" - johnta austin


call me tonight ..

time of celebration.

exams are over! ..... not quite.

i finished my second exam today and it felt oh so good. my heads already set to holiday mode.

i felt so relieved to have finished darn management, i rewarded myself for all that hard studying *cough, with shopping!

as soon as i left the exam room, i headed straight for parramatta westfields. the black and gold quilted forever new bag was waiting for me :) when i got there, the pretty lady told me it was sold out :( so i had my heart set on accessories... i love my newly made purchases.

for those who still have exams goodluck lads and ladettes.
just think of how much fun we can have after!

something about you.

i want ..
but i cant have.

climb on out of your window.

sweet thing.
the moon is high
and the night is young
come on and meet me
in the back yard
under the cotton wood tree

uni: the fun police.

if you were a person, i'd stab you.

CURSE YOU UNIVERSITY!

fear of the unknown.

recent events, one in particular has lead me to blog again. ive found a new appreciation for my family and friends. but its sad how something like this had to happen to make me realise how much they really do care and love me or what lengths they'd go through for me. i dont feel there is anything i could do that is enough to repay my parents for what they did for me that night. although at times it doesnt seem like i care, i really do. from the smallest things they do for me, like go buy me ice cream at late hours, just cause im craving it, to spending loads of money on education for my future.
im taking baby steps to repay them.. in my own way.

as for what happened that night, its left me scared. scared for the outcome. whether it be nothing or something. its the fear of the unknown. i dont know what to expect. i dont know how to prepare myself for what is to come.


jennifer xx

the partying continues.

another friday night and another night of partying. i always look forward to the weekend, fridays particularly, for the drinks and the dancing. one aspect that kills my fun, is the thought of work :( grr oh how i wish i didnt have to work.

last night was tuyet's 18th birthday bash and what a success that was. i dont think anyone there could say they didnt have a good night. the people, the music, the dancing as well as the bar tab made this night great. big thanks to tuyet, who looked so hot in her hot pink dress ;)

im off to study now. looking forward to next weekend!

jennifer xx

friday night.

friday night was a good night despite the rain and the sickly cold i had earlier that day. although i do wish that more of you guys showed up that night, it would have been an even more eventful night. theres more opportunities and more friday nights for us all to grab a few drinks and dance the night away!

fun fun fun, i cant wait for the holidays to arrive.

hypocricy is thy name.

WORDS.
so much easier said than done right?
i hate it how its so easy for someone to say one thing and do another.

if you say you're something, i expect you to be that someone.
if you say you wont do something, i expect you not to do it.

the word "sorry" is so over used now, its lost its meaning.
actions speak louder than words buddy.

- jennifer xx

no scars.

IT HAS TO GET WORSE BEFORE IT CAN GET BETTER.

happy mothers day!

.. and a special happy birthday to jeannie :)


PRETEND.
im pretending to be your friend, because i cant bring myself to say im not.
im pretending not to care, because youd think im weak if i do.
im pretending to believe you, because thats what you want to hear.
im pretending to be someone, because thats who you believe i am.
im pretending this is easy, because you expect too much of me.
im pretending youre the same person, because its hard to admit youre not.

i like to play pretend, because it reminds me of how things were.

jennifer xx

my first blog.. ever!

my two ears: “told you so” – jesse mccartney
my ten fingers: marty


writing, deleting, writing, deleting. Ive been doing this for the past hour. Contemplating whether or not I should be displaying what im thinking for the world to see.
I don’t wouldn’t know where to start, quite a lot has happened in the past month. This is where martys line comes in “things have changed in such a short amount of time”. And its true. From friendships to family.


WAIT.
Personally I am an impatient person and I hate waiting. But weirdly enough, one particular situation has proven me wrong. The past few weeks I have been waiting for something to happen. For a change to occur. For some sort of direction or indication. But no sign as of yet. I don’t know why I have let this situation get to how it is now or why I haven’t done anything to change my uncertainty towards the situation. It could possibly be that I am waiting for some sort of hope that I could save this from going downhill.
The question is how do I make change happen, without personally forcing it myself? I have found ive been asking myself this question a lot as of lately. And because I have not yet found the answer, ive been waiting.
The end.


The past few weeks have not been all peaches and cream. And I know that every negative comes with a positive. But ive been drifting from a few friends lately, I acknowledge that. Possibly because I feel as though I cant say anything to them without feeling selfish. Previously all or most of my conversations will end in either of us sharing our problems. And recently, ive felt as though my issues are irrelevant as compared to what has been happening around me. Which has caused me to hold back. But on the other hand, this has caused me to put my trust in a closer group of friends. And I have never felt closer to friends than I do now. I can trust my life with these people. You know when you have friends so close to you that you can just look at them, and they’ll know what youre talking about, or you guys can just sit there doing jack all and still have a good time, or the friends you can rely on when you just want to chill at random times of the day. This is love <3 chi is a hobbit.

til next time..
jenniferxx